The first part of the abuse trap is to fool you into believing they respect you. At first, they’ll show kindness and empathy toward you, and will often compliment your strengths. Once you’re hooked, they’ll engage in talk of creating a wonderful future with you. This stage happens more frequently in the beginning of the relationship. They do until they feel you’re under their spell, which later, makes it difficult for you to leave.
This is where they slowly begin to tear you down. It will start with making small, off-putting remarks at first to test your boundaries. Once they determine your boundaries are low, they’ll use multiple techniques to degrade, destroy, and demean your character and self worth. They’ll isolate you so that you will believe the lies about yourself and prey on your weaknesses, until you have no identity left except the one they created for you. They will make you completely dependent on them and make it seem impossible to leave without suffering significant damages.
At this stage, you are no longer useful to them.You do not fulfill them or their wishes, or you aren’t living up to their expectations. During this stage, they will push you beyond your reasonable limits and when they’re done, they’ll leave the relationship.