It’s Brandon aka Chad from the podcast and I have an urgent plea for anyone in Australia to help us out. A woman emailed me the other day about her struggle to get her granddaughter out of the care of her malignant narcissist son. This 7-year old girl is being mental/physically abused and child services is not doing their job. I’ve copy and pasted the bullet points of this case below and I pray that someone out there knows how to help get this poor little girl back into the arms of her loving grandmother before something worse happens to her. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’re in Australia and you think you can help.
1. My youngest son has had a history of aggression and violence towards others for many years, since primary school. He has king hit his Father in the back of the head, dropping him to the floor, stabbed his older brother in the arm with a knife, threatened to blow up schools, threatened students with knives, punched me and knocked me to the floor, spat on me, strangled me, burnt my clothes in the driveway, smashed the glass in many of the prints on the walls, smashed a mirror in a dresser, smashed a computer screen, smashed expensive pottery and smashed a $10,000 road bike of his brother’s with a crow bar. He was suspended from attending ANY high school in the State because of his violent behaviour. I appealed the decision and got him back into school as he was only 15. However it wasn’t long after that he was suspended again. I was forever being called into the schools to speak to angry Parents and Teachers who complained about his violent and aggressive behaviour. His Father never got involved. His Father is a chronic alcoholic. He drinks every day after 3pm when he knocks off work until he goes to bed. 52 weeks/year. My youngest son also had ongoing conflict with work colleagues in most of his workplaces.
2. He married in 2010 to a Japanese woman. He was 23 years old. She was 15 years older than him. His wife’s parents lived in Japan, are currently in their late 70’s early 80’s and don’t speak English. They had a child in 2012, being my first and only Grandchild. I did everything I could to help them with their baby by trying to alleviate the stress of a married couple. I paid their bills, bought all the baby items, organised for them to live rent free for years in another home. I helped him with many job applications and provided help whenever it was needed.
3. In 2013 he had a fight with his Wife and moved back home for a few days. He then had a fight with his older brother and threatened to kill him. His brother did not want any conflict and went downstairs to his bedroom, barricaded the loungeroom door with a sofa and wedge under the door to protect himself, but my youngest son kicked the door clean off its hinges to get to his brother. A fight persued for about 5 minutes whilst I had run upstairs to call the Police. I didn’t see the actual fight, however my youngest son was the initial protagonist. However he had come out worse off in the physical fight that followed. He then told me in a blood curdling phone call around 1am the next morning to “choose between him and his brother and if I didn’t choose him, then I would never see my Granddaughter again”. I told him I was not going to choose and that the fight with his brother had nothing to do with me; and that it was cruel to use my grandchild as a pawn to make me choose between him and his brother, especially given I hadn’t seen the actual physical fight.
4. After nearly 3 months of not being allowed to see my granddaughter, I applied to the Family Court to see and spend time with her. I did not apply or want custody. The Court appointed an Independent Childrens’ Solicitor. In or around September 2013, I withdrew the application as it was too stressful. However the Independent Childrens’ Solicitor strongly urged me not to withdraw. She stood in front of the Judge stating she has recommended that I don’t withdraw (she advised that she saw clearly that he was using the child as a pawn to control and manipulate me).
5. I withdrew the application nevertheless because of the stress of it all.
6. My youngest son, his wife and child moved interstate in January 2014 after a transfer of his job. He took the matter of his fight with his brother to the Court. A 12-person jury unanimously came to the verdict that his brother was “not guilty” as it was clear to them that my youngest son caused the fight and was the protagonist.
7. He then got fired from his job for his aggressive behaviour towards work colleagues. This was despite him being a permanent full time government employee.
8. His wife then died in June 2015 from a brain aneurism.
9. Despite him not speaking with me since September 2013, he phoned me to ask if his wife had ever discussed religion or organ donation with me. I asked why; and he told me he had one hour to decide and then the Hospital would turn the machines off. He told me not to tell his Dad because he wasn’t speaking with his Dad at the time because his Dad stood up for the first time to him and send the court case against his brother was wrong. He then wasn’t allowed to see my Grandchild.
10. His Dad came to see him. When he arrived at the house my son called the Police. The Police arrived and basically said it’s a private matter. His Dad was about to leave when my son decided to invite him in.
11. My eldest Son passed away in August 2016. He had the biggest heart I’d ever known in a man. He was a gentle giant. My youngest son made us wait 3 weeks before he said he’d come to his funeral. He had a new girlfriend by then, a Vietnamese student. She put pressure on him to get a Partnership Visa. They applied but it was declined by the Dept of Immigration.
12. I invited and paid for him and his girlfriend to fly up for Christmas 2016. He had sent my Granddaughter to Japan for many months so he could be alone with his new girlfriend. I embraced his new girlfriend like I did with all my childrens’ partners.
13. I was invited to visit him and my granddaughter in the school holidays in April and September of 2017 to see my granddaughter.
14. On the 2nd visit in September 2017, His girlfriend was totally different to the first visit.She did not speak to me and was showing signs of aggression. On the last day of the visit, she punched me in the face in front of my grandchild because I had bought too much food to the house during my stay.
15. After she punched me in the face, my son started pushing me out of the house, punching my back and pushing me to the ground. He stood by and supported his girlfriend.
16. I wasn’t able to then see or speak with my grandchild because I reported his girlfriend’s violence to the Police.
17. After they broke up in February 2019 because she left him after finding another man, he sent his girlfriend correspondence, admitting that he lied to the Police and covered up for her. He found another woman straight away on the internet.
18. I found out that his ex-girlfriend had been punching my grandchild in the head and strangling her.
19. I spoke with the Principal of her school and he informed me of how concerned they were for her. Apparently she was coming to school late nearly every day, dirty clothes, with no lunch and had no breakfast for a long time. He said he had put reports into the Police re my Grandchild’s welfare and safety. I asked him to please keep an eye on her and to keep me updated.
20. In May 2018 the Police attended my son’s house due to the School reporting the violence on my grandchild. However he lied to the Police to protect his girlfriend. The Police made several visits and each time he lied to them, protecting his girlfriend.
21. In March 2019 I received a phone call from him. He was upset and wanted to reconnect with me.
22. I received text messages from him stating he “was sick of living”. I replied each time with positive, spiritual and uplifting replies. He asked if I would fly down to see him.
23. Whilst the plane was on the tarmac I received a text message from him saying “I’m sorry, Goodbye”. Throughout the entire flight I didn’t know if he was dead or alive.
24. When we arrived at his unit, it was dirty with rubbish flowing over the bins and washing that hadn’t been done for weeks. My grandchild was sleeping on a filthy sheet and pillow case.
25. I started to get her to bed early every night as she was going to bed at 11pm every night for months and months prior to me arriving.
26. I got her ready for school each morning, got her breakfast and made her lunch and took her to school every day and picked her up each day.
27. I was told by a neighbour and the school that she had been arriving at school with dirty clothes, with no lunch and that she had no breakfast for most days of the week and that she was always late for school, prior to me arriving there.
28. I cooked their meals, washed their clothes every day, cleaned the unit each day, did all the shopping, paid all the bills and kept a low profile during my entire stay.”.
29. I had to return home after approximately six weeks and booked another flight to return on 9 June.
30. I heard from his new girlfriend soon after I left. She said “the 9 June was too far away and that she wanted me to return earlier, as it was too difficult for her to manage things”.
31. I returned the next day and picked up from where I left off, ie taking care of my grandchild.
32. During this stay his neighbour mentioned to me she was very concerned for my grandchild because his new girlfriend appeared to be behaving the same way that the previous one behaved. Although not physically violent she appeared to be verbally violent.
33. I saw many, many fights between his and his current girlfriend. She was putting extreme pressure on him to lodge a Partnership Visa with the Department of Immigration. They had only just met a month prior.
34. She threatened to leave him about a dozen times whilst I was there. She packed her suitcase in front of my grandchild so many times that it was disturbing.
35. My grandchild was clearly distressed whenever she heard them having another fight.
36. The fights were usually about him not committing himself to lodge a Partnership Visa application; and his obsession with his ex-girlfriend.
37. He was absolutely obsessed with his ex-girlfriend as he brought her up in so many conversations and said many times that he “wanted to kill her”.
38. He was out seeking a vendetta on her, leaving my grandchild alone in the unit during the nights.
39. In May 2019 his current girlfriend, told my grandchild “When your Daddy and I get married and have a baby, I will love the baby but I won’t love you”.
40. The above was repeated by my grandchild to a neighbour and also to myself. The neighbour spoke to my son about it, but he didn’t raise it with his girlfriend. It was only when I mentioned it to him days later that he raised it with her and she got embarrassed and cried. I tried to massage her ego by saying “No-one is judging you. If we put ourselves in another’s shoes for just 5 minutes, then you learn compassion. But I’m concerned if the child tells me and a neighbour, what will she say to her Japanese Grandparents?
41. She then told my grandchild “they are going to send her to boarding school”.
42. In March 2019 my son had been cautioned by the Police to stop stalking his ex girlfriend. However, he continued to do so. He was then arrested and charged for Aggravated Assault, Stalking and Property Damage towards her in May 2019.
43. The Police were so concerned re his mental health that they took him to the Hospital to be assessed. He called me when they were about to take him to the Hospital. I spoke with the Police Officer who advised that they were very concerned regarding his mental health.
44. He was prescribed anti-psychotic medication at the Hospital. The Police charged him that night and he was arrested and taken to the Watch House and had to attend the Magistrates Court the following day.
45. He was released on bail and had to attend the Magistrates Court in a few days. I had
organised a Lawyer for him and when he attended the Court we asked the Magistrate if he would please consider allowing him to return to my home to be with family where he has the support for him and my grandchild. The Magistrate agreed only if I was to be a Guarantor for him and that he was to return to the Magistrates Court each time the matter was on.
46. His new girlfriend was still packing her suitcases every time he would not put the Partnership Visa application online. She put enormous pressure on him to do it. He finally agreed but asked me if I could pay the $7300 as he didn’t have the money.
47. His girlfriend told me she would pay me back as she had the money in Vietnam.
48. I agreed and paid the $7300 on my credit card. However, 2 days later, she bought a $6000 car with cash plus sold her existing car. She told me she still had the $7300 in Vietnam to pay me. To this date I still haven’t received any monies from her.
49. I organised and paid for flights for them to fly to my home and organised and paid for flights for him to return to at the next court date.
50. My son and his girlfriend did absolutely nothing towards caring for my grandchild who stayed with me upstairs whilst they slept downstairs and went site seeing most days.
51. I organised her school, organised and paid for her school uniforms, all her books and school fees. It didn’t even occur to either of them to consider this.
52. On the evening of 24th June my son approached me stating he was feeling quite stressed because “his girlfriend was placing a lot of pressure on him to have the relationship registered so she could get free medical”. He said “I don’t see the point in having it registered now. If we get married, ok, but we don’t need to register it now”.
53. The very next day on 25th June he came upstairs where my granddaughter and I were and started screaming at me. He picked up a large kitchen carving knife and held it above his shoulder, pointing it towards me (my grandchild was right by my side) and walked towards me in a threatening manner.
54. My grandchild was screaming and shaking all over telling him to stop. She was clearly traumatised by his violence.
55. I took her into my bedroom and locked the bedroom door. He then kicked the door open, breaking the door and lock. He then grabbed me by the neck to strangle me and grabbed me by the arms, hitting my chest, pushing me backwards.
56. All of his violence was done in front of his daughter who was so distraught she was screaming with fear, shaking and crying, yelling “Stop, stop, stop”.
57. He left the room and I took her into the ensuite, pushed open the window screen and we both jumped out of the bathroom window and ran to a neighbour’s house for safety.
58. I returned a few hours later with her.
59. I received a call from the Police whilst at my neighbours. The Police Officer said that he phoned stating I had kidnapped my grandchild. This is how Malignant Narcissists work, they don’t tell the truth. They lie and cover up the facts. I told the Officer that there’s more to what he has said but I didn’t want to discuss it at that moment. I had suffered from his violence for years but had never made complaints to the Police out of fear of his retribution and that he’d use my grandchild as a pawn and not allow me to see her.
60. I was so concerned for her. At midnight I rang Lifeline. I was told by the Counsellor that I had a duty towards her to call the Police because she is at risk of his violence. He said if I didn’t call the Police then they (Lifeline) would. I was terrified of calling the Police because of his reprisals on me and him using my grandchild as a pawn.
61. The next day and days following he had absolutely no remorse of his violence. In fact he was verbally aggressive towards me. It was scary to realize that he actually had no remorse.
62. The Police attended and placed a DVO on him.
63. On the 2nd July when he appeared in the Court, the Magistrate was not impressed with his behaviour in court. The Magistrate said “You cannot take the law into your own hands” and that “you did all this violence in front of a child”.
64. My grandchild did not mention her Dad for almost 2 weeks. However the Court has Ordered that she be returned to my son. My grandchild did tell me later that she had to put a plastic bag over her head when showering. I believe they are too lazy to go to the two dollar shop and buy her a shower cap (the most fundamental basics).
65. My youngest son is how a Malignant Narcissist/Psychopath behaves. He treats his daughter like an object. He kept saying “She’s my rock”. I said “No, YOU need to be HER rock”.
This is how Narcissists work. Everyone is there for THEM. Everyone is a source of supply for THEM. Everyone must do what they want or you’ll be punished with a Narcissistic rage from them. They will attack you emotionally, physically and financially until you obey, comply, and keep quiet.
66. My alcoholic ex-husband is now triangulating with my son. He is allowed to see and spend time with my grandchild, but I’m not … because I called the Police on his violence.
67. My alcoholic ex-husband has also been violent at times when he’s drunk. He was violent as recent as a week ago. This time, for the very first time, I called the Police on his violence. They arrived and saw how drunk he was. They have now served a Domestic Violence Order on him.
So that is the bullet point list and this woman’s story. We’re trying to save a 7-year-old child and if anyone knows how to help here, it’s greatly appreciated. Email me at email@example.com if you’re in Australia and you think you can help.